30 years of degeneration in 90 minutes

(Review: Magnus Jørgensen)

When Twisted Sister had to cancel their summer tour, I was disappointed, of course, but hey, Copenhell was still more than four months away. Helloween were touring and had the day off. Or what about a full, 90-minute Opeth show? They were set to play Hellfest the weekend before. Surely there was some kind of decent replacement coming as one of the four headliners.

No. Instead, Copenhell announced a 15-year anniversary all-star show, supposedly celebrating heavy metal, the festival, and the bands that have played there. Well, first of all, 15 is not an anniversary. Let's call it a 'celebration' instead. Secondly, we don't have that many heavyweights in Danish metal. We've got King Diamond, Lars Ulrich and Volbeat (if you call them metal). Good luck getting any of them on stage for this. Maybe you should've dropped the 'all-star' bit?

I know that booking this shit ain't easy, but on paper, this was a horrible replacement for the party that is Twisted Sister. And judging by the comments on Facebook, people were not impressed. Perhaps that's why the festival decided to announce in advance who were gonna be on stage and what they were gonna be playing. The line-up was almost laughably weak. Joey Belladonna from Anthrax (who was there anyway), Linnéa Vikström (Thundermother) and Gus G (Ozzy) were the international stars they came up with, flanked by a boatload of Danish performers, most of whom you wouldn't recognise in a picture. They even fucking emphasized "none less than DJ Noize". Pardon, but this is a metal festival, right? How the hell can a DJ be an important name?

Oh well. The sun is shining, the beer is flowing, and we're all in a great mood. And though I don't follow the Danish metal scene that much, it's in great shape compared to, say, 20 years ago. Let's see what they have in store!

And the show gets off to a great start with a couple of Twisted Sister covers. "We're Not Gonna Take It" and "I Wanna Rock", amazingly belted by Linnéa Vikström, take us all by storm. There's singing, jumping, hugging and smiles all around, and the following "Paranoid", "No More Tears" and "Highway Star" featuring Ronnie Atkins (Pretty Maids) and a Belladonna in great shape hit home hard.

But especially due to the frequent and drawn-out pauses between songs, a show like this does not have the continuous energy of a real concert. And as any performer knows, once you start losing the audience, it's a slippery slope. Ditte Krøyer from Vulvatorious arrives to the rescue, superb on stage as always, and while her growls on Slipknot's "Psychosocial" are impeccable, her fellow singer (whoever she is, doing the clean vocals) looks and sounds completely out of her element. Pantera's "A New Level", though energized by Simon and Svend from Baest, lacks power.

From here on, the slippery slope turns into a free fall. Some guys from SYL and Eyes attempt and fail at Beastie Boys' "Sabotage", and then it's time for DJ Noize. No, he's not just doing some scratching during the Slipknot and Beastie Boys songs, he's got a fucking 15-minute set. Maybe it was at lot less, but it felt like a lot more, and all energy fades away while he's doing... things to some major metal hits. Who the Hell came up with that idea?

A young band called Ashes of Billy (and some others, I assume) fails miserably at sounding like Motörhead on "Ace of Spades". If you wanna play Motörhead, your instruments need to be sound like they're being tortured, OK? They do better with a Foo Fighters cover, but since Foo Fighters do not rock, it's all a waste.

Though I truly wanted to like the show, it is painfully obvious that it was created for the organizers, not the fans.

Then comes a guitar battle featuring the great Søren Andersen and Gus G playing movie and TV show themes from the towers in the middle of the crowd. It's a nice gimmick, but it outstays its welcome to the point where it gets tiring. At this point, the show is a waste of time, but it devolves futher as a bunch of peons wobble around to an alleged tribute song to the festival's visitors: "Hellwalkers", by something called "John Cxnnor" (sic) – a seemingly 100% electronic thing. Except for an honest electric guitar, although, as should be completely fucking unnecessary to point out, an electric guitar is sorta the PRIMARY ELEMENT in the entire world of metal, you accursed nutbags.

The whole thing completes its metamorphosis into a downright insult against our genre: Marika Hyldmar from Xenoblight and someone from that "John Cxnnor" thing perform a fucking Limp Bizkit song – only to leave the stage to yet another fucking 15 minutes of DJ Noize butchering defenseless metal classics. I hereby leave to watch the rest of this dumpster fire from the hill.

Look. I don't mind some electronic music at Copenhell at all – I had a blast at Violent Music Orchestra this year – but let's not pretend that it's a part of heavy metal. In fact, the incredible classical orchestra that opened the main stage this Friday is closer to metal than a DJ or an electronic wizard is.

And then, finally – and I do mean finally – we reach the last part of the show with the rather weak Copenhell anthem "Ulvens Ed" (The Wolf's Oath") and a ridiculous cover of Danish rock relic Gasolin's "Det Bedste til Mig og Mine Venner". Playing a song like that while most people are leaving, shaking their heads in disappointment, is straight up pathetic, and though I truly wanted to like the show, it is painfully obvious that it was created for the organizers, not the fans. From my new viewpoint on the hill, watching people scatter away while a countless number of guys on stage pretend to enjoy themselves, it all appears exactly like what it is: The most distasteful, circle-jerking abomination this side of the Grammys.

The next time a headliner cancels and you can't find a decent replacement, please leave the stage empty.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: While Foo Fighters do rock, this one's still on the money. Not everything is metal, and not everything belongs on the main stage at a goddamn metal festival. Diversity is the new conformity, and you're drowning our culture in it. Metal is the black sheep, not the big, happy, all-encompassing family.)

Rating: 2 out of 6
Genre: All over the place
Date: Fri., June 26th, 2026

Thanks for reading.
If you liked this review, you can support a metal brother by buying me a coffee.

Setlist:

1. We're Not Gonna Take It (Twisted Sister cover)
2. I Wanna Rock (Twisted Sister cover)
3. Paranoid (Black Sabbath cover)
4. No More Tears (Ozzy Osbourne cover)
5. Highway Star (Deep Purple cover)
6. Psychosocial (Slipknot cover)
7. A New Level (Pantera cover)
8. Sabotage (Beastie Boys cover)
   (DJ Noize set)
9. Ace of Spades (Motörhead cover)
10. Everlong (Foo Fighters cover)
    (Guitar battle)
11. Hellwalkers (John Cxnnor cover) Play Video
12. Break Stuff (Limp Bizkit cover) Play Video
    (Yet another fucking DJ Noize set)
13. Ulvens Ed (Omvendt Korstog cover)
14. Det Bedste til Mig og Mine Venner (Gasolin' cover)