During the review of which, I quote Phoebe from "Friends"

Welcome back, dear readers!

If you don't know what to make of that opening line, I'm referring to my recently posted yearly album Top 10, which I had to cut in half this year. This, then, is the second half. Because it's never just a Top 10; it's more like an overview of all the LPs...

Happy New Year, dear readers! Once again probably too late for some of you to even consider the term appropriate any longer. But as y'all should've noticed by now, I'm notoriously behind all other album reviewers in the world, and I can't be bothered to justify or even explain anything any longer. (Besides, exactly WHEN is that alleged cut-off date...

So, probably don't read that book or you'll hella bleed out your crotch

"This, right here, in a nutshell, is the reason that we love metal"

Completing Hitchcock's avian doomsday vision outta left field

Rockin' around the Christmas tree

You know it's gonna be good when they put a swan on the cover

... And one fine ascension it is

And in the category of "Most Difficult Album to Have Sex to"...

It's official: The breakdown is the bass drop of metal

Half album review, half lamentation of music's current state

Giants and monsters and pumpkins, oh my!

Rumor has it, they were gonna call it "Whitesnake"

Children and other newbies will not understand this

Bring on the new age of blasphemy

"... And the Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Spot-on Album Title goes to..."

Where's Frank Zappa when we need his opinion on death metal?

I'll take "Overlooked Metal Bands" for 1000, Alex.

SPOILER: It's... another Volbeat album

"Unless you're a complete fucking poser who wouldn't know real metal if it gave you lead poisoning..."

"No matter what music you've heard so far, you've not heard anything like this"

"Dammit, Jonas. Go get a guitar, three chords, and a depression."

Yes, he totally went there. Heh-heh, "went".

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Heavy is the sound that bangs the head.