Other working titles allegedly include "Plop!", "Kapow!", and "Klugga-foom!"

"Deep Purple? Weren't they the ones with…" Yes, the band that gave us "Smoke on the Water" almost 55 years ago. Yes, they're still going. And I know: Dedicating editorial space to a new album from that group in 2026 might seem like an odd priority to some. Because how does a rock dinosaur like Deep Purple manage to stay relevant in this day and age?

It's a rhetorical question with an obvious answer. And that answer is that old-school hard rock remains as relevant today as it ever did. Hell, if not more. Not only because it still kicks ass, but because we live in an age where popular music not only sounds more and more homogenously sterile and plastic-like, but also as though it's not channeled and performed by human beings on physical instruments, but rather programmed by an AI and uploaded directly to streaming outlets. Not to challenge or inspire humans, but to adhere to algorithms.

Well, then. As though blessedly oblivious to this disastrous devolution of the once so amazing phenomenon of music, Deep Purple today sound so human it's like standing right there in the rehearsal room with them. And more than observing the criterion of ass-kicking as well, the band has described "Splat!" as their heaviest album in many years.

… And yeah, it does have that title, though. But say what you want about it; it's at least consistent with equally wacky ones of former LPs like "Whoosh!" (2020) and predecessor "=1" (2024).

I didn't review the latter because it didn't sound very urgent to the band. But whatever's changed since then, it damn well works.

Not only is this material written by a band that sounds like they still have a lot more to offer the world; it's also redemptively human in a day and age where the Great Machine Takeover is seen most vividly in music of all things.

Granted, we're off to a bit of a weird start, opener and first single "Arrogant Boy" presenting a mixing that's a bit too heavy on the drums relative to the guitar which has too much mid- and bass-tone EQ. But perhaps these imperfections are part of something deliberate. Because again, it feels like we're standing right there next to the band – before everything would go through the Great Digital Music Homogenization Machine®. Which, then, it didn't – it's imperfectly human, and we oughta be grateful.

But the damn thing also rocks. In fact, that uptempo drive and 16th-note riffing reminds me of this little 1983 ditty, name of "Bark at the Moon". The band's energy and the riffs throughout are impeccable.

In fact, the main riff in "Diablo" is just as killer as they were in the band's heyday, and its heavy verse drive reminds me of this little 1972 ditty, name of "Maybe I'm a Leo". Its melodic chorus, bordering on classical music, sounds like something that Blackmore could've written.

"The Lunatic" hits even harder, its combination between fast riffing and a mean b2 tonality is perfectly savage. And that classic 3-chord chorus is a legitimate resolution of the tense atmosphere, not just a standard modality knee-jerkingly applied by songwriters who needed to fill out the song with another section. No, these guys know everything about every note they're playing. Sure, the results are varied, but there are zero downright misses here. And the hits, while not as magnificent as in the '70s, still function impeccably.

"The Only Horse In Town" is one such hit – not just the supreme cut on the album, but a hit that would have been one downright such for the band, had it been released in their heyday. Yes, damn straight. Its organ theme is recognizable right away. Its crescendo behaves as if to summon a sea of tens of thousands of raised hands. And check how light and airy that solo is, and check how perfect Roger Glover's harmonic bass lines lie underneath it. I will gladly paraphrase myself: These gentlemen know everything about everything they're doing.

Of course, this does mean that the album peaks around midway. And sticking with the points of critique for a bit, Ian Gillan's voice often leaves a bit of power to be desired. It's like he doesn't quite maintain 100% of that distinct nasal resonance he got known for. But as far as I recall, he didn't wield a lot of that on the predecessor, either. And all else being equal, it's just lovely that he's still rocking out. Goes for all of 'em, obviously.

And just because we may have peaked here, it doesn't mean that side 2 is not more than justified overall. Check, for example, that instantly recognizable, semi-funky theme and the smooth, laid-back blues atmosphere in "The Beating of Wings". No, it may not rank among their best songs, but it's still a lot better than all the autopilot material they released in the wake of Blackmore's exit. (By no means saying it was all autopilot, but it damn well wasn't all "In Rock" ('70) or "Machine Head" ('72), either.)

There are zero downright misses on here. And the hits, while not as magnificent as in the '70s, still function impeccably.

And speaking of instantly recognizable, that Phrygian piano theme in third single "Guilt Trippin'" is another one such case. The build-up and the verse are intense; legendary key maestro Don fucking Airey pounding away at the Hammond, and Gillan being at his most bitingly fierce (at least by current standards). And that solo chase between Airey's cute bluesy piano and relatively new kid Simon McBride's mountaintop lead guitar is mesmerizing.

Also the uptempo shuffle of "My New Movie" has an immediate staying power which, regardless of the band's age, is impressive on an album where other artists would've either long run themselves tired of ideas or simply stopped putting on more songs.

And while the verse in the concluding title track may be a bit unmotivated, the chorus has the most perfect combination of descending bass notes and a Minor-key subdominant chord I've heard in years and years. Shit, even its almost limerick-cadence lyrics, encompassing and owning that obviously deliberate tongue-in-cheek album title, have something important to say, even with aforementioned tongue so firmly placed in aforementioned cheek:

"I look into the future as we splat against the screen
It's better than I hoped, and up to now was unforeseen
A metamorphosis
I'm hoping for some more of this
And maybe something funky in between"

Shit, it's almost getting poignant here. I wrote about the previous LP that one reason I didn't review it was because Gillan mostly just seemed like an aging geezer being dirty. But the man is an underappreciated lyricist.

And though this round also sees the band releasing a song titled "Jessica's Bra", any such corny moments – the album's title included – are more than justified by its energy, inspiration, and execution. Not only is this material written by a band that sounds like they still have a lot more to offer the world; it's also redemptively human in a day and age where the Great Machine Takeover is seen most vividly in music of all things. I'd normally plead for a renaissance of that all-important human element, but as Deep Purple shows us, it's still alive.

Cherish it while it's here, fellow humans.

Rating: 4.5 out of 6

Genre: Hard rock
Release date: 3/7/2026
Label: earMusic
Producer: Bob fucking Ezrin

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