Album reviews

Feat. Temple of Void, Lamb of God, Winterfylleth, Vreid, Angus McSix, et al.

When there's not a lot left to prove

… And this year's "Out-of-Left-Fielder" award goes to…

"Unless one counts level good-but-not-great as filler..."

Truest metal album and most tattooable cover art this year so far

Feat. Rob Zombie, Puscifer, Mayhem, Clawfinger, et al.

Half album review, half essay about being fed up with political bullshit

Feat. Bullet, Invictus, Helix, et al.

More like "Meh-gadeth", amirite guys??

During the review of which, I quote Phoebe from "Friends"

So, probably don't read that book or you'll hella bleed out your crotch

"This, right here, in a nutshell, is the reason that we love metal"

Completing Hitchcock's avian doomsday vision outta left field

You know it's gonna be good when they put a swan on the cover

... And one fine ascension it is

And in the category of "Most Difficult Album to Have Sex to"...

It's official: The breakdown is the bass drop of metal

Half album review, half lamentation of music's current state

Giants and monsters and pumpkins, oh my!

Rumor has it, they were gonna call it "Whitesnake"

Children and other newbies will not understand this

Bring on the new age of blasphemy

"... And the Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Spot-on Album Title goes to..."

Where's Frank Zappa when we need his opinion on death metal?

I'll take "Overlooked Metal Bands" for 1000, Alex.

SPOILER: It's... another Volbeat album

"Unless you're a complete fucking poser who wouldn't know real metal if it gave you lead poisoning..."

"No matter what music you've heard so far, you've not heard anything like this"

"Dammit, Jonas. Go get a guitar, three chords, and a depression."

Yes, he totally went there. Heh-heh, "went".